About Me
Dana Glover
North Carolina

A 30-something married full-time mother of 2, part-time stepmom of 3; trying to find treasures I've lost along the way.

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006
June Clouds
I have my first "true" prenatal Dr.'s appointment today. That means I should have an ultrasound and get an official due date. I truly thought that since this is my third pregnancy I would be a bit more laid back about the whole deal. Instead, I fret and worry over every twinge and constantly wonder if something is wrong with Baby. I told Ed last night that I dread today's appointment because I'm afraid they are going to tell me something is wrong. The only thing I can attribute these feelings to is the fact that so far this pregnancy has been quite different than the first two. I wish now I had kept pregnancy journals because I do believe I have forgotten a lot of my concerns and anxieties associated with having my two boys.
It probably doesn't help that this week is the anniversary of two of the worse days of my life. Twenty-one years ago today I was in the car accident that forever changed me in many ways. I always carry a sense of dread on this anniversary. And even sadder, Sunday was the anniversary of CJ's Daddy's death. Of course this year it fell on Father's Day. For some reason, CJ didn't want to go with me to his Daddy's grave to visit or leave new flowers. This is the first time CJ has ever turned down a visit there. I didn't pressure him or chastise him. I made the visit myself and talked to CJ's Daddy about how amazing CJ is while I tended the flowers. It made me feel a bit better but the sadness is still very heavy. CJ did want to visit his Daddy's grave yesterday morning so we made a brief trip there.
So maybe the darkness I feel today is related more to hormones and history than anything being wrong with Baby. And maybe as the week passes so will the clouds.


Dana
posted at 8:58 AM
1 comments



1 Comments:
At Tue Jun 20, 12:09:00 PM, Blogger JennG said...

Please keep me posted about the appointment. I'm sure everything will go well and you'll be able to relax a little, huh? I, too, am having a huge time with fears and anxieties this time around. Wishful thoughts for us both...

 

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