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Dana Glover
North Carolina

A 30-something married full-time mother of 2, part-time stepmom of 3; trying to find treasures I've lost along the way.

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Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Normal
I was talking to a new friend the other night. We were trading dysfunctional/broken family histories when it occurred to me that I can count the number of "traditional" families I know on one hand. I know that high divorce rates are blamed on "today's" society, but the dysfunctional/broken families I'm most aware of began in the 70's or before.

Even though I created a "broken" family of sorts for CJ (his dad and I were separated at the time of his death), I strive to give him a stable, more loving, more honest family unit now. Someday, I want him to understand the choices his Dad and I made and the reasons why we didn't make our marriage work. I want him to understand and be grateful for the love that Ed and I have and openly share with our kids. I want him to learn from my mistakes but never fear to make his own. But I worry that CJ will feel slighted or distrustful some day because he will never be able to hear his Dad's side of the story.

I also fear that a day will come when Ed and I will hear the words "You're NOT MY DAD" or "I wish my Dad were here instead of YOU". I know that CJ would speak these words only during a moment of teen angst, but I fear the damage they will have nonetheless. I also pray that CJ never turns on Hunterman and claims "You're not even my real brother". Ed tells me that there is no need to worry about it because nothing I do or say will ever insure that these scenes will not take place. As a matter of fact, Ed admits that he said these things and worse when he was a teenager living with his Mom, Stepdad, brothers and half-sister. But he tries to reassure me by pointing out that as an adult he has a very respectful and loving relationship with his stepdad (who he actually calls "Daddy"). And believe me --- he is more protective over his "half-sister" than any brother has ever been over their sister.

I wish there was a way I could create a "happily ever after" life for CJ and Hunterman. I wish years from now they could have a conversation with their friends and claim that they grew up in the "Beaver Cleaver" family and are proud that they came from a normal family. But then I remember, the Cleaver family is no longer the norm.


Dana
posted at 8:27 AM
2 comments



2 Comments:
At Tue May 09, 02:12:00 PM, Blogger JennG said...

In the end, it will all come together... I promise. My parents are still married after 28 years and all of my sisters and I went through the "I hate you" and "I wish you'd die" stages in the teen years. We're best friends now! It has nothing to do with the make-up of the family (birth parents, adopted parents, step-parents, etc.) and everything to do with the love and support we give our children. I'm sure ALL your children will go through those stages but just keep repeating to yourself that it's a temporary situation. {{Hugs}} Best of luck to you guys! I'm sure you're doing a phenemonal job!

 
At Tue May 09, 04:01:00 PM, Blogger Dana Glover said...

Jenn,
Thank you for the support and encouragement. I should know by now that there is ALWAYS something a parent can worry about or fear. I'm just bad with guilt!! :)

 

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