Monday, May 01, 2006
Crunch Time
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Just thought I'd share some random pictures with you. I wanted to share the pictures we took this weekend while fishing with the boys. However, my camera is in my van. My van is at Ed's work. So I will share the pictures later during another totally irrelevant post.
When I accepted the "work from home, part-time job", I never imagined that my time would be sucked away from me and spewed forth into the universe as chunks of phone calls, professional letters, brochure creations, unanswered emails, boring medical discussions and cheek-cramping smiles. But I have a confession to make ... I love it. Sometime during the past 33 years, I have developed an overwhelming need to be validated by other adults. I have found that even though I have perfected the "I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks ... I am my own person" persona, I foolishly need others' approval and respect to create any self-worth. I recognize this weakness and accept it for what it is. To date, there has not been a medication or therapy that has allowed me to overcome it. What is terrifying, though, is that I see this same pattern already developing in CJ. At five years old, he has already bound his self-esteem with the opinions of those around him. He is driven by the need to please and impress his peers, family and any adult he encounters. If he is unable to illicit praise from those around him, his eyes fill with doubt and despair. If he doesn't receive immediate approval on a task he's completed, he claims "I just can't do it" and refuses to try again. And of course, no amount of praise and reassurance from Mommy can undo the damage done to his little ego. Maybe in my quest to help CJ build his self-esteem, I will find a way to heal myself.
1 Comments:
I found your site via Damomma's comments page and just had to check it out, as we're another Glover family! =) I thought your message was great! I'll have to check in from time to time and see how you and yours are doing!
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