About Me
Dana Glover
North Carolina

A 30-something married full-time mother of 2, part-time stepmom of 3; trying to find treasures I've lost along the way.

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a girl and a boy
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Previous Posts
Questions from a 5-year Old .... Help Me, Please
A Hair to Pick
This 'n' That
Jinxed No More
Time Out
Neighbors
Too Funny
Finally, Dawson's Creek Spin-off: Part II, Conclusion
Sadly, Dawson's Creek Spin-Off: Part I
Maternal Pondering

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Monday, April 10, 2006
Self-Discovery



















I apologize for the graphic nature of the second picture. I was twelve years old in these photos. They were taken one month after "The Accident". Brief version: a group of 8 girls were headed to a church camp. The driver of our car ran a stop sign she never saw. As we crossed the intersection we were hit on the driver side by a 18-wheeler logging truck. There were no fatalities. One girl was thrown from the car and landed on her head. She was in a coma for a while but recovered completely. The rest of us suffered broken bones and such. I was the lucky one that suffered broken bones and basically had the side of my face sliced open. The exact laundry list goes like this: six broken ribs, punctured & collapsed lung, ruptured spleen, broken collarbone, bruised kidneys and liver, broken jaw in two places, lost two teeth and lost most of my right outer ear. Yes, I almost died. I was on life support for a couple of days. I don't remember much because of the drugs. I do remember a nurse in ICU handing me a mirror so I could see the damage. I didn't recognize the basketball-sized face looking back at me. In those few seconds that I searched for something familiar in my facial features, I lost a HUGE chunk of my self-esteem. Of course I was at a very precarious age for a girl ... I was twelve. Up to the moment of that accident, I considered myself to be a "Brunette Barbie" with freckles. I was sassy, outspoken, vivacious, outgoing, prissy ... essentially, I was ready to rule the world at 12. My goals at the time switched between being a model, a TV news anchor, or a Sports broadcaster (until I reached the ripe old age of 45, then I would become President). There was always a smile on my face and there were no such things as strangers in my world. And you better believe I was BOY CRAZY! After the initial hospitalization, I endured many outpatient facial reconstruction plastic surgeries. We found a surgeon that created a new outer ear for me using my very own rib cartilage and skin from my right thigh. In ninth grade I told my parents and the surgeon that I had reached my limits emotionally and that I could not go through with another surgery. I told them that I would just have to learn to live with the way I looked and other people would have to learn to live with it, too. Some days I regret that decision just because I never did learn to live with the scars. I must admit that I learned some very valuable lessons during that time. I began to understand that you "do not judge a book by its cover." I tried to believe that "beauty is only skin deep." Although I learned to apply these cliches to how I dealt with others, I had a problem applying them to myself when I had to go to school with bandages wrapped around my head and scabby, oozing patches on my face. I put on a brave front. The kids never knew how deeply they cut me with their whispers, jokes and insults. And to this day I would never admit to any of them the power their words and actions still have on me. Even though the scars are not nearly as noticeable now, I still hear the whispers, jokes and insults when I gain weight; when my hair goes gray; when I don't wear makeup; when I see a woman that I know Ed would find attractive. The voices are with me every day. I've never learned how to silence them and I'm afraid I never will at this point. Of course, no one knows this .... not my parents, not Ed, not my children, not my friends. No one, but you.


Dana
posted at 5:05 PM
3 comments



3 Comments:
At Mon Apr 17, 02:25:00 PM, Blogger W2W said...

I am so sorry to hear about all the pain you have went through. I am about to ramble to just try to follow the best you (remember I am a blond from AL) YOU are Beautiful. Anyone who has been what you have been through and still lives her life to the fullest is awesome. Although my scar (wrist and hip from a car accident where I had to have a bone graft) is no where is bad as yours...I still have people who come up to me & will ask what happened to you? I had a aunt told me get a tattoo over it so it would not look as bad. Whenever I have pictures made I will make sure my arm is visible. Pretty petty huh? But on the other side I am grateful for my accident. It has made me a stronger woman. I know I can take care of myself. I know, unlike some people, that the next minute might the last. It is ashamed children don't know the long time effects of what they say until they are adults. Thankfully we do learn & hopefully we will be able to better direct our children from our pain. Were as some people might see and "ugly" scar on anyone, I see it a testament of I can survive & I can handle almost anything. God gave me this as a reminder that I can. ; ) See I told I would ramble.

 
At Mon Apr 17, 03:52:00 PM, Blogger FarmWife said...

Oh, Dana, I am so sorry that you've had to suffer through all this. But I wonder if what you went through when you were 12 gave you the strength to help CJ through the death of his father. It's hard to expalin to people that emotional scars run deeper than physical ones...even once the physical ones fade.
Thank you for sharing your stories with us.

 
At Thu Apr 20, 06:43:00 PM, Blogger emily said...

What an undertaking you had at such a young age. To live, to heal, and now to go on with life remembering. I'm so glad you made it, and I'm sorry the "whispers" are still with you. When you feel that as a child, I'm not sure it ever truly goes away.

 

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