Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Walk Softly ... Carry a Big Stick
It seems like my boys' lives are moving at the speed of light. I just turned in a kindergarten application for CJ. If he is "randomly selected" for this charter school, he would start kindergarten in July!! I feel waves of nausea every time I think about this artistic, sensitive soul exposing himself to the harsh realities of bullies, criticism and insecurity. I know in my heart that CJ is ready for that giant leap into "Big Kid School", but I also know in my heart that I feel like I'll be losing a part of myself when that happens.
As for Hunterman, it seems as if he is changing, growing and learning by the minute! It is alarming how independent and self-sufficient he is ... up until the moment I try to leave him with my parents so that I can actually accomplish something in this house. He acts as if I'm tossing him to the wolves and spews out a scream that pierces my soul and I wonder if he will ever be ready for that small step into "Part-time Daycare".
I do know that as much as I dread loosening the apron strings a bit, I feel that I need more exposure to the Adult world. I need a time and a place to voice my opinions and share my "worldly insights" with others, without being interrupted every 2 minutes to referee or serve as waitstaff. I need to reconnect with grown-ups and establish a venue that allows me to be more than "Mommy". If I don't, I fear that I will free-fall off a cliff when CJ does venture forth into the real world and Hunterman does yearn to interact with other toddlers. And none of us want that!
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